I'm So Goff!
by CrazyNerdyFangirl
Summary: My Entry for Saint's Sequels Contest. Chapters 11-14 of A Day in Therapy from Ebony's POV. Everyone in the therapy center has turned Goth, and one pathetic Mary-Sue is in the middle of it... Written in comprehensible grammar, unlike My Immortal. R & R?


**AN: Here's my entry for Saint's Sequels Contest. I don't know how popular or how funny this fic will be. It's the last few chapters of A Day in Therapy from Ebony's POV. I actually reread My Immortal to try to remember what words are used a lot, so my brain isn't exactly working right. I actually wrote this in comprehensible grammar, so I pwn. Good grammar and spelling is one of the requirements… It's just not the same without bad grammar though… *sniffle*… I'll probably do a version in "My Immortal" spelling and grammar as well. Depends on what you want. I'm probably going to kill myself doing so because I'm a grammar Nazi sometimes. Joy. This is rated T for excessive use of the f-bomb. I think Ebony is OOC. I made her too preppy. **

**Everything that's misspelled is meant to be misspelled, just so you know. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride, Fang, Hot Topic, A Day in Therapy (that honor goes to St. Fang of Boredom), My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park, Good Charlotte, My Immortal (the fic, not the Evanescence song—though I don't own that either), or anything else that doesn't look like mine. **

Ebony's POV

Hi! My name is Ebony! Or Enoby! Or Egogy! Or Ta'Ebory!

I don't even remember my own name, but who cares? Anyone who cares is a prep, so fuck off, preps.

So, anyway, my full name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (isn't that the best fucking name ever?) and I'm Goth, obviously. People say I look like Amy Lee (if you don't know who she is, you're _such _a prep). I had just defeated Voldemort and I was sitting on the couch making out with my boyfriend, Draco. Draco is Goth and bi, so he's _really _sensitive and all. I have long black hair with purple streaks and red tips reaching down my back and blue eyes. I was wearing a black corset, black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots, and my goff makeup.

I just felt that it was necessary to describe all of that to you because otherwise, you might think I'm a prep.

So, just when clothes were about to start coming off, this random person suddenly appeared. I recognized him immediately.

"Oh my Goff! You're Voldemort! You're not dead!" I exclaimed.

Voldemort looked around, a confused expression on his face. "Where am I? I need to find Snape. Because Snape is the sexiest man alive!"

"I think he's with Lupin or something," I said nonchalantly, then continued to make out with Draco.

Voldemort's eyes turned a weird red color that reminded me of the color of blood, which reminded me that I needed to go to Hot Topic to buy a new corset top because the one I was wearing now wasn't slutty enough.

"He's with Lupin?" Voldemort asked. He said "Lupin" like the name disgusted him.

"Um…yeah…" I replied.

"I love you, Ebony," Draco said randomly.

"I love you too!" I replied.

"Will thou two shut up? I have to go find Snap!" Voldemort yelled. "I mean Snape! Curse you, Tara Gilespie/Gilesbie/whatever your name is, you Suethor!"

Who's Tara? Whoever she is, she sounds Goth. Like me. I would kiss her because, duh, I'm bi. "Uh…I think they're in the Gryffindor building," I said.

"Fangz," he replied He turned to walk away, then seemed to remember something at the last minute. He took out a gold envelope from his pocket and handed it to me. "This is for thee, Ebony."

I snatched it out of his hand. "What is it?" I asked, examining it.

"Some bitch in the place I went to when I passed on told me to give it to you."

"Ooh, what's death like? Is it dark and scary? I totally want to surrender to the Darkness. Since I'm Goth and all," I said sexily and seductively. Who was I supposed to be seducing? I had no idea.

Voldemort thought about it for a minute. "Um…it was actually bright and happy and had lots of flowers and singing squirrels."

I was disappointed for a moment. "No darkness?" I asked, frowning.

"Well, one of the squirrels had dark fur. Does that count?"

I was depressed at all of this no-darkness-in-death stuff, so I slit one of my wrists and listened to some Good Charlotte while waiting for it to stop bleeding. Good Charlotte is such a goffik band! Voldemort and Draco were nice enough to wait for it to stop bleeding with me. I thought I actually cut through a major artery this time because it took a while for it to stop bleeding. But I didn't bleed to death because I'm just perfect like that. I had to thank whoever wrote me because she made me so absolutely perfect! Oh, right, it's that Tara person!

"I hath telekinesis!" Voldemort yelled suddenly, then ran out of the room.

I started to open the envelope. While cutting myself some more. And listening to MCR. I did all of those things sexily. I can multitask!

"Maybe you shouldn't open that," Draco said hesitantly, looking sexy and goffik with his black eyeliner smudged just the right way. I played with his pentagram necklace for a little bit.

"Why not, bitch?" I asked him sexily. I thought the word sexily in a sexy way. Everything was overflowing with sexiness. Sexy, no? My head was going to burst from excessive use of "sexy" and any variations of the word. But it'll burst sexily. Which makes all the difference.

"Because I love you, Ebony, and don't want you to get hurt," he replied.

"How would an envelope hurt me?"

"It could contain Snap back from Azerbaijan!" Draco thought about what he was saying for a moment. "I mean, Azkaban! I hate this fic!" he yelled. I continued to play with his pentagram necklace, which reminded me that I needed to buy a new one to match the corset top I was going to buy soon. I'm thinking the pentagram will be black. Because everything I wear is black. Duh.

"Can I please quit My Immortal?" Draco cried out suddenly. It didn't seem like he was asking anyone in particular.

No one answered and Draco sighed. "The universe is conspiring against me," he muttered to himself.

I ignored Draco's advice (because I'm perfect, I didn't need to listen to other people) and opened the gold envelope. I wondered if I could give myself a paper cut using the envelope. Then I could suck my own blood since I'm a vampire. There was a single gold piece of thick, heavy paper inside the envelope. I took it out and looked at it curiously. There was fancy cursive writing on it.

"You are hereby summoned to come to the therapy center for excessive Mary-Sue-ness. Prepare to depart in five seconds. There is no need to start freaking out/hyperventilating/peeing in pants or skirts/crying/screaming for one's mother/etc. at the sight of this letter. We assure you that your stay in therapy will not be _that_ excruciatingly painful. We wish you good luck and hope that you will be rid of your perfection."

After I was done reading, my eyes widened in shock. "OH MY SATAN!" I yelled.

"Ebony, what's wrong? Is Snape coming back from Azerbaijan?" Draco asked.

I opened my moth to answer, but before I could, five seconds was up. There was a popping sound and I felt like I was being sucked into a dark vortex. I was being transported somewhere…but where? The dark vortex thingy was making me want to throw up, so I just closed my eyes and surrendered to the darkness.

* * *

When I opened my eyes again, I was flying down to a building on my broomstick. There was a sign that said "Therapy Center". I walked inside and into a room that said "office". I sat down in a chair in front of a desk and waited for someone to help me. At first, I thought that maybe it was Dumbledore's office and that he had made it look better since the last time I had been in it. But then a person—female, not Dumbledore—who looked about 19 walked into the office. She eyed me warily and I gave her my best "I'm so scary and goffik" look.

She seemed to be thinking about something, then shook her head with a confused expression on her face. "Hello. My name's Saint. What's yours?" she asked.

I looked at her goffikly and sexily. "My name's Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. But I'm not related to Gerard Way at all, though I wish I was."

"And, where are you from?"

"England. I go to Hogwarts," I replied.

She nodded. "Yes, but I mean what fic?"

"Oh. I'm from My Immortal."

Her face turned pale, as if the words "My Immortal" had a bad connotation. Psh, _as if. _

"Stay in the office," she said in a shaky voice. Then she ran outside into what looked like a conference room, slamming the door of the office closed behind her. How rude. Well, I was in therapy now, I guess. At least, that's what the letter said. I didn't know why I needed therapy though. Isn't that just for crazy people? I wasn't crazy. I was totally perfect.

I waited for the Saint person to come back in, but she didn't. Since I didn't conform to society's standards and like breaking rules (duh, I'm _goff_), I opened the door to the office and walked out into the hallway to looked around. There was yelling coming from the conference room, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I briefly considered the possibility that they could be talking about me, but disregarded the thought immediately. I was too perfect. I walked around…

…And ran into a blonde, preppy girl who was perfect in every single way.

"Eek! It's a Goth person!" she yelled.

I rolled my eyes and placed a hand on my hip. "I'm Ebony Dark'ness—"

"What are you doing here?"

"Well—"

"My name's Daisy May Fieldflower Daffodil," she said perkily.

"Shut up already, you fucking prep!" I yelled sexily. The girl didn't seem to be affected by my sexy charm. Darn it. Gosh, she was _such _a fucking prep! What sane person has a name that bright and happy? I reached out to grab her arm to make her come with me to be de-prep-ified (I don't know where someone would come to get de-prep-ified, but Hogwarts would be a nice place), but as soon as I came into contact with her, her eyes glazed over.

"I will become Goth," she said in a monotone. I grinned. It seemed that my touch was spreading the power of Goth throughout this preppy therapy center.

"First, put on some eyeliner," I commanded.

"Yes, Ebony. We'll destroy those preps," she said in the same monotonic voice. Then she walked into a closet, presumably to turn Goth. She closed the door behind her. I didn't know how she would find the stuff she needed to become a Goth in a closet, but I guess she'd have her ways. I jumped around in happiness. I was spreading the power of the Darkness! After about a minute, she stepped out of the closet. She was wearing a black skirt, a black Green Day t-shirt, and tons of makeup. She looked hot.

"Hi, bitch," she said when he saw me. Then she began to slit her wrists because she was depressed. Why else would someone slit their wrists? She stuck her iPod earbuds into her ears and put on some music. I looked at the screen of the iPod. Linkin Park. I approved.

I ran around the therapy center for the next few minutes, touching anyone I could (not like that, you pervs). Everyone I touched became goffik like me. I even saw someone who looked like Voldemort, even though I could've sworn I left him back at Hogwarts. Soon, everyone in the therapy center looked like they had just stepped out of a Hot Topic ad. I was so proud of them. I would've been bouncing around in total and utter joy if I wasn't Goth. But because I am, I just glared at them and called them bitches.

Voldemort was yelling "I HATH TELEKIESIS" at the top of his lungs. And let me just say that Voldemort can yell _loudly_. I was telling him that I wouldn't pop a cap in Vampire's ass. Because, well, I wouldn't. So there.

I saw Saint and a couple of her friends walk into the lobby and look at us in horror when she saw what her therapy center had become. Well, the preps better get used to it.

* * *

Everyone was in the lobby, so the halls were deserted. I hadn't seen Saint and her friends in a while, so I guess that they were in the therapy center somewhere, discussing war strategy. As if they could ever beat me!

MCR and GC were blaring out of the speakers and everyone was dressed all Goth-like. Everywhere I looked, I saw black. And I was the center of it all. The Gothiest of all the Goths. Is Gothiest a word? Well, it is now.

I was talking to someone named Percy Jackson (who was considering changing his name to E'vil Person Who Can Kill You) about the pros and cons of black lipstick. We had a list of 100 pros and no cons. So what if the pros were kind of repetitive (I think we wrote "It's black" about 50 times)?

Suddenly, someone walked up to me. She emanated an aura of "preppy poser", but I decided to listen to her anyway. Not everyone could be as awesome as I am. She reminded me of someone I had seen earlier…

"Do you guys need something?" I asked them sexily. I eyed one of the guys with the girl. He didn't emit the aura of "preppy poser" at all. In fact, he was kind of hot. I gave him a sexy wink. He looked at me in horror and shuddered.

"Konichiwa, Ebony," the leader of the group said to me. "So, we were sent to tell you that Gerard Way himself is here to see you. He's in the other room. We can take you to him."

At the thought of Gerard, butterflies (they're black, _scary_ butterflies, mind you) started fluttering around in my stomach. My eyes widened. "Really?" I walked over to them with a slight bounce in my step. They led me over to a room off the main lobby. Finally, we stepped into a large, empty, multi-purpose room. I looked around.

"I don't see Gerard anywhere," I said.

"He'll be here," the girl assured me. "He's gotta have his limo drop him off...Might be stuck in traffic."

I placed my hands on my hips. "Are you lying to me?" I asked suspiciously.

"Me? Lie? Never."

"You guys don't act right. You act kind of like a bunch of preppy posers," I said slowly, the truth finally dawning on me.

The hot guy whispered something to the leader and she whispered something back in an annoyed voice.

"I think you've all tried to trick me!" I exclaimed, reaching for my wand.

"Conquer!" one of the crazier posers yelled, raising his sword. The baby began to cry and someone started to sing a Miley Cyrus song. Two of the preps tried to attack me, but another one held them back when he realized that they were no match for my epic Gothicness.

The crazy one tried to attack me, but the leader yelled, "No, Leo," and jumped in between us. The hot guy pushed her out of the way.

"Gothicosity!" I yelled. Yes, that was actually the spell to make everyone Goth. Black light erupted from the end of my wand, engulfing everything.

After the light dissipated, everyone had turned Goth. Well, except for the hot guy. He was, unfortunately, unconscious.

The guy who had been singing Miley Cyrus was attempting to make an emo band. I promised that I would listen to the band's first song, which he had already begun writing. He said he was going to name it Death of the Preps.

The baby sat in his emo corner and whimpered.

The crazy one was carving pentagrams into the wall with his sword. I approved.

The one who had tried to hold the other two preps back was throwing out preppy poser magazines. I walked up to him and grabbed a copy of Teen People out of his hand, drawing a mustache on Justin Bieber's face, which was occupying the front of the magazine. He looked so much better that way.

The leader was writing depressing poetry in her notebook with a black pen. I walked up to her.

"I have a better pen. It's a darker shade of black," I said, handing it to her. That was when I noticed that it was the Saint person. That's _that_ was why she was trying to thwart my plans.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking the pen from me.

I stepped out of the room, leaving the room's occupants to do as they wished.

Looked like my work here was done.

As I walked down the hallway, my head started spinning. I was being transported…into the past? My surroundings slipped away from me as they became unrealized possibility. My takeover of the therapy center had never taken place. Nothing felt real. I was being sucked into a vortex of spinning colors.

I realized with horror that pink seemed to be the dominant color, not black.

* * *

When I opened my eyes again, I was flying down to a building on my broomstick. In front of it were two boys wearing black clothes. They looked exactly the same. I had a strange feeling that I had seen them before, but I blinked again, and I lost my train of thought. I landed and dismounted off my broomstick sexily.

"Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, I presume," the one on the right said.

I nodded. "And you are?"

"Border patrol," he said. "We protect the borders between what is good and what is bad. You need to go back to the bad end, girl."

WHAT THE SATAN WAS HE TALKING ABOUT?

I glared and brandished my wand sexily. "I'm not going to be stopped by a bunch of preppy posers!"

Yes, not even _hot_ sexy posers.

He grinned and pulled out a wand. "Ebony, I'm giving you one chance to surrender and return to My Immortal. I don't want to use force."

So then why did he look like he totally wanted to use force?

"You can't make me!" I yelled. "Expelliarmus!"

"Stupefy!" he screamed at the same time. The two spells collided in the air in a flash of red and green. I was momentarily disappointed. Why couldn't they collide in a flash of _black_? It's a much better color.

I stamped my foot, and my skirt rose up even more, if that was even possible. "Poser!" I screeched.

The one on the right raised his wand and looked like he was trying to think, which must be a hard task for such a poser.

"What about that body-binding spell thing?" the one on the left said.

The one on the right nodded. "Petrificus Totalus!"

But I yelled, "Protego," at the same time. His spell rebounded back at them, but they ducked just in time. A pigeon behind them fell to the ground, paralyzed. The pigeon wasn't goff, so I wasn't too concerned.

"Damn…" the one on the left said. (I'm just going to call him "Dark" because "the one on the left" is too long".)

"Agreed," the other one (who I'm going to call Ness) replied.

I glared at them. "You'll pay. I bet you're with Voldermott!"

Ness facepalmed. "It's Voldemort, genius! Voldemort! Get it through your thick, illiterate head!"

I was insulted.

Okay, that was it! No more games. I dropped my wand and pulled out my Smith and Wesson. "How about I put this bullet through _your_ head?" I aimed the gun at him.

He raised his wand at me. "You feeling, lucky, punk?" he asked, grinning. What a fail attempt to sound badass.

I shot the gun, but Ness made the bullet explode in midair. "Protego!" he yelled, making a shield around him and Dark. Then he put me in a full body-bind curse within seconds.

I tried to give him the finger, but I couldn't move a muscle. I decided to just go with imagining what Ness would look like in a pink tutu and tights, which cheered me up somewhat. Though the image was pretty fucking disgusting… Not sexy at all.

"Awesome, errr…Other Me!" Dark said, clapping Ness on the shoulder. "How'd you know how to do that?"

"I have no idea…" he replied.

"Well, now what?" Dark asked.

"I'm going to send Ebony back from whence she came," Ness said. In my head, he was dancing in Swan Lake. "You need to go inside and come up with some explanation as to what when on out here, since I'm sure we've gotten someone's attention by now. Then, I'm heading back to the future, so to speak. Make sure no one heads down to the parking garage. I'm going to need the space."

"So this is…goodbye?" Dark asked Ness.

He smiled (stupid cheery prep) and waved. "I'll see ya in the mirror." I had no idea what he was talking about, but I didn't even try to understand the language of preps. They were like a whole other species.

He walked toward me and grabbed me. He dragged me into an alley along with my broom, and I, unfortunately, couldn't do anything about it. He grabbed an old shoe and pointed his wand at it. "Portus," he said and the shoe glowed blue. A Portkey. He was sending me back! Well, at least I could make out with Draco.

He stuck the Portkey in my right hand and the broom in my left. He also stuck my wand back in my pocket. He kept my gun though. Aww, dammit. That was Snape's gun!

"I'll see ya later…not," he said as I disappeared.

And then I felt like I was going through a portal. I had traveled using Portkeys before, and they had never been like this. This time, it seemed like I could see images in the portal back to the realm of My Immortal.

I think I even saw a singing squirrel that was singing Can't Be Tamed, complete with dance moves.

Damn those singing squirrels.

They were even worse than preps.

Fok of, prepz.

**AN: Well, that was chapter 11-14 of A Day in Therapy. Hope you enjoyed! Okay, Ebony, Draco, and Voldemort are OOC (from their My Immortal versions AND their canon versions). But whatever. Singing squirrels pwn all. Now review or you're a prep (haha, just kidding, sort of)! Tara whatever-her-last-name-is is seriously messed up. How was it? Good? Bad? Should I do a version in bad grammar just for the lulz?**

**Review?**


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